OK, ever read something like THIS? The Sports Gal on Page Two ESPN - she's my heroine!

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The Sports Gal Speaks
Bill and his friend Hench own a fake baseball team together. I call it the League of Dorks. It's hard to say how much time they spend on it, but I'd guess five hours a week, maybe more. Hench is one of Bill's nicest friends, but he's even nuttier about this stuff than Bill. One time, I peeked over Bill's shoulder as he was reading a bullet-pointed e-mail from Hench about their fake team. It was like a legal document, I couldn't believe it. Hench used to leave messages and not identify himself, you'd just hear, "message No. 1" and then Hench complaining about something that happened with their fake team. He wouldn't even say, "Hey, guys, this is Hench" first. So I made Bill get a second phone line just for Hench's calls -- they call it the "Bat Phone." I can't believe I married someone who needed a second phone line to talk about a fake baseball team.
You'd think the extra line was enough, but no. A couple of weeks ago, Bill and I were driving home from somewhere and trying to figure out something. Bill said, "I bet Hench knows," and before I knew it, he was calling Hench and they were talking about the League of Dorks. And I was trapped in the car listening to them. It was like being at the nail salon when everything's quiet and relaxing, then something happens and the nail ladies all start screaming in another language. I have no idea what they're talking about, but they're agitated and talking in annoying voices and it's not relaxing at all. That's what Bill and Hench sounded like. Actually, this was worse because I can understand the language and still can't understand them. Finally, I got mad and told Bill to hang up or I was going to jump out of the car.

This week, I noticed playoff baseball started, so I asked Bill, "What happened with the League of Dorks?" Bill said they won first prize. He didn't even seem happy about it. He was just relieved that they didn't lose. Then he said he's having a celebratory lunch with Hench next week. I said they should order a bottle of fake champagne and fake pour it on each other. I hate the League of Dorks.

Here are my picks for Week 5:

Titans +19; Giants -4.5; Lions +6.5; Bucs +6.5; Packers +3; Patriots -10; Bills +10; Panthers -8.5; Jaguars -7; Cards +3; 49ers -3.5; Cowboys +2; Steelers +3; Ravens +4.

Last week's record: 10-4
Season record: 35-23-2

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She blows my MIND! It is like she is ME! I could have written this same column about my husband and all of his Fantasy Friends - which in and of itself disturbs me. My husband has Fantasy Friends...sound like I ought to be calling a marriage counselor. And you know, that is one really funny thing about it. What SHOULD he call these friends. I mean, some friends he plays with are actual friends, but some are people he doesn't even know face to face. It is like his own little Internet Porn Ring - but it is all this Fantasy Sports crap. I guess ESPN already capitalized on this whole concept last year, with its advertisements where the cute cheerleader girls were laying around on the bed talking fantasy football...yeah...like THAT happens! But that's the whole deal...fantasy is fantasy I guess. If only I had thought to get on the horn and talk about my husband and his geeky friends! There's been QUITE the drama and throwing down on the league this year too - name calling, new members talking trash, old friends quarreling, down to the wire trades...it has been a veritable cornucopia, if you will, of fantasy mayhem. (yes - Jay - I used the word cornucopia!) If only I'd tapped in...but you know that was baseball. The real drama of football, I suppose that is yet to come.

-Cheryl