Today's Commentary: The Tattoo/Sex Correlation

After having just been inked for the first time, I have discovered many similarities between losing one's virginity and getting tattooed for the first time.

Once my appointment had been set, the artist marked my file with a big "V" for "virgin" almost like the big "A" from the scarlet letter. It was a symbol for everyone to know...that I had never been inked. This would be my first time. I would never again be pure. I left a little nervous about that, but even more excited by what I was about to do. I would never be the same again.

So let's start at the beginning. First, there is the consult. This happens on a day separate from the tattoo. It is like the first date. You discuss your dreams with the artist. You explain what you want. He tells you what he can and cannot give you. From there you decide if it will work. If so, you make an appointment. This is like designating when the first sex act will happen.

On the day of the appointment you arrive early and fill out paper work, hand in your ID and sign your life away. The adrenaline is pumping so fast you don't know how to spell your name. You don't KNOW your name. This is the equivalent of foreplay. He preps the part of your body to be tattooed and applies the stencil. Last chance...to back out. You sit on the bench while the artist prepares your pallette and assembles his tools. He gets his condom ready. The excitement elevates and you are overcome with anxiety of the unknown. How much will it hurt? Will I be able to go through with it? Will he be gentle? What if I don't like myself in the morning? Will I get an INFECTION?

You sit in the chair and he begins. Very slow and gentle at first, so you get used to the feeling. This is like the initial penetration. Suddenly you know what it is like...and can relax and go with it. The rest of the outline continues...he is on top and all is okay. You get used to this and want to be in control...you are ready for the next step. He switches needles and begins the shading. It is different this time, but still okay. You are on top now and know you can make it. It's getting close to the end...the climax is near. All the background noise fades away...you focus on the feeling...

"All done." he says and wipes the last of the ink away. Orgasm is complete as you look at your completed tattoo. No longer a virgin. Changed forever. He photographs it to email it to you later (I didn't participate in any photographing during sex so I am not going there...). He bandages you and gives you a "how to care for it" package...he gives you his card. He reminds you that it is addictive...and you know, now that you have had sex, you want to do it again soon. You begin to plan, or at least fantasize about your next tattoo.

You leave and wonder if people can tell, just by looking at you, that you are different, that you are no longer a virgin. You are sure that you are radiating...you want to TELL THE WORLD that you just HAD SEX for the first time!!!! You show everyone whether they want to see it or not, your tattoo.

~ Tattoo Sue

My oh my, just a quickie to metion how AHEAD of trends I am...

See, even at 35, I am "the bomb!" ( thanks to John W. - former student )

Was at Walmart today, and what caught my eye, but a big lipgloss display. Upon closer examination, it was a Lip Smackers display FULL of BIG Lip Smakers, brought back for a LIMITED TIME ONLY! Naturally, being the sucker for advertising that I am, I bought three. There ya go Sue, cat's out of the bag, it is your "10% Done With the School Year" gift!! Enjoy!

- Cheryl

Today's Commentary - My life through lipgloss...

You know, few things give me quite as much pure pleasure as lipgloss. It is one of those things, no matter how crappy the day, if I'm out shopping, and I come across a new lipgloss, the purchase can turn the day around. Truth be told, I am a little obsessive, actually. It is something that, at times, I HAVE to buy. I have no real control over it. I know it sounds shallow, but hey, as I get older, and life and whatnot gets more perplexing and complexing, I say don't question what works.

Even today, I found a pot of lipgloss that I had bought to leave in the car. You can only rely on the potted type lipgloss in the car, unless you want a waxy hell all over your dash. It was crammed in the back of a little storage area below the CD player of the "Mom Mobile." I nearly jumped for joy, immediately unscrewed the cap and smoothed some on. I remembered the day I was shopping that I picked it up, at The Body Shop which I love, but rarely get to. I recalled the joy in the splurge of the 2/$10 treat. The Passionberry scent ( whatever the hell that is ) kickstarted my tropical thoughts, and suddenly I wasn't on the hilly country road that leads to the grocery store, but on a twisting volcanic road in Hawaii. My metalic powder blue Mustang convertible, wide open in evey sense of the word, powering me ahead; wind in my hair, salt making it twisty and ropey in that sexy beach hair way, with the smell of sea air enveloping my every sense.

ALL THAT - JUST FROM SOME SERENDIPITOUS LIPGLOSS!

You know, I guess if I think about it, the obsession started long ago. I can still see my Pink Bubblegum Lip Smacker, back when they were big and fat (remember?) that my stupid brother, who just so happens to post on this blog occationally, cranked up into the cap and ruined! I was SO angry, SO upset! I can also see my Kissing Potion. Remember that one, especially how it used to come in the real GLASS tube with the roller? Well, I can see mine, shattered on the curb, with a big, old Italian lunch lady barking "Come on, nothing you can do about that, leave it and get on the playground." Maybe it is the trauma of childhood that keeps me coming back. An eternal quest to replace what was lost...hell, it is even something I get my daughter into. I have already bought this little pack of lip glosses for her Christmas Stocking. Perpetuation of our own issues - it is what parenting is all about.

So what the hell is my point? I suppose it is GO! Go out, BUY THE LIPGLOSS, or the Fun Dip, or the YoYo, Kebangers, Chinese Jumprope, Rubiks Cube, or Magic Eight Ball. Invest in some sparkly pens and stickers, or in the silly hair acoutrements ( is that even how you spell that? Is that even a word? J.C., what the hell did 4 years of highschool French get me? - but that's another blog...) whatever gets you in touch with your childhood, good or bad. Embrace it, live it, don't forget it, and USE IT to get through the day. It may not be of the highest quality I suppose, but surely, you can think of it as the cheapest therapy around.

- "Hot Lips" (for those who know my High School acting days)
- Cheryl

Bought the new Johnny Mayer and am OH so happy!

I feel, strongly, at times, that I have missed my calling in life. Missed opportunities, missed chances, missed career possibilities...and anyone who knows me well knows I have an iTunes HABIT! Soundtrack of your life and all, soundtrack in general, soundtrack for a mood, I can make it! HOW DO YOU GET THAT JOB? Being the "Soundtrack Guy/Girl?" Well in general, a real calling of mine. Advice would be welcomed, particularly considering my current job DISSATISFACTION!

But I digress. Johnny. Thought I would blog my reactions to the CD as they are varied and complex.
Liner notes - Scott, I know "Musicologists" write those for classical crap, but who does the pop/rock and blues? It could be me, oh how I am sure it could be me!

Waiting On the World to Change

Like the overall vibe of the song, but a bit simple/repetitive. Then there is the little age gap thing..."Me and all my friends we're all misunderstood, they say we stand for nothing..." It is that whole Generation X or Y thing...Scott, it is YOUR first blog entry in a nutshell! Johnny is just younger than me...alas...ahhh, but the stamina of a younger man. Hmmmmm...point for further facination:)

I Don't Trust Myself With Loving You

Speaks to moments..."No I'm not the man I used to be lately, seems you met me at an interesting time..." Confusion and wondering. I really like the overall vibe on this one as well. Very accessible blues - sensual - makes me think naughty thoughts...

Belief

Johnny ventures into political commentary once again - sing-a-longable commentary at that. Seems a little goofy, granted, pop music politics, but I like it a lot. Hey, Bono became Time's Man of the Year. Could John be next? (heehee)

Gravity and Vultures

Both were on his TRY album that he put out with John Mayer Trio -love both songs. I think I like Gravity on the TRY CD a little better though...not sure why, will require further investigation. He IS a blues man, though, blues for the masses, much like Clapton.

Heart of Life and Stop this Train

Real folk sounding. I even heard a little Beatles, and a little Fleetwood Mac. During the first listen, on my way home in the van, my first thought with these songs was of Sting. On all of his solo CD's he has a "country" song, which doesn't really "fit" the album, but somehow grows on you. These two songs are instantly more likeable, but still have that same feel to me, of a real ARTIST trying something NEW. Good music is good music, pop, rock, blues, country...it it's good, it's good. That is the thing I really enjoy, look forward to and respect about John Mayer; his willingness to play the music HE believes in. (...now him "trying" Jessica Simpson? HELLO? She is just TOO dumb in my opinion, although my hubby does argue that she has great breasts...whatever...)

Slow Dancing in a Burning Room

WOW! HOT! Speaks to moments again...LOVE this one...makes me want to go and, well, you know...dance slowly in a burning room, yeah, that's it...

Bold As Love

You can never go wrong covering Jimmy Hendrix, well, as long as you're John Mayer, or Sting...my two men:)
(Still doesn't touch Sting's cover of "Little Wing" though...that one is ethereal.) Proves, I suppose, that youth and beauty will always be overcome by age...and treachery. Love ya Johnny, but Sting's still my man.

Dreaming With a Broken Heart

We've all been there...haunting..."gone, gone, gone, gone gone." A real "John Mayer Ballad", but different sounding/less pop than his old stuff. I am hearing old 80's power ballad chords at some points, just unplugged.

In Repair and I'm Gonna Find Another You

Am liking Repair better of the two, but Gonna Find has a real old sound, kind of nostalgic and sweet in that way...I am just not one for the sweet songs...I like to brood...go figure! Therefore, LOVE the line in Repair "Too many corners in my mind" Ahhhh, he KNOWS ME!

Overall, WELL worth the low, low, Walmart price! LOVE getting CD's there, on their first week of release, for $9.99...what a CD SHOULD cost. I'd have paid more for it, but on my low, low, RC salary, I am glad I paid less:)

-Cheryl

I HATE 4th GRADE
an in depth look at HOMEWORK for today's youngsters

Who the hell invented homework for elementary school students? Oh I know...some Laura Ingall's teacher type who was not married and had no children and had NOTHING better to do so she wanted piles of homework to correct.

I totally agree with you, Cheryl on the homework thing. And you are even a classroom teacher...A REAL teacher, as opposed to ME, only an ART teacher. Like, what would I know about the value of homework!??! I have to stick to things I know, you know, like BASKETWEAVING (thanks, Cindy).

Anyway...my kids have had homework since K. Wasn't the original idea of HOMEWORK anything that you did NOT have time to complete in school? What is with this making up new stuff above and beyond?

We made it through 3rd grade figuring out that homework was always very "do what you can, the best that you can and don't stress over it." So I figured 4th would be more strict, but what came home today in my son's Friday folder blew me away! He has entered the Harvard 4th grade advanced studies program and I didn't even know it!

I am just too tired to write about it all in depth. Basically sentences for spelling words. Who knew it was like a GRADED thing? Homework to this point has never been GRADED...just kind of checked off. Hell, I don't think last year's teacher ever even LOOKED at homework (OR spelling tests for that matter). He seemed motivated...like doing it right when he got in from school, and we let him do it on his own. I didn't correct it for capitalization/punctuation/picky spelling on other words. I wasn't sure really...like am I supposed to let him be independent? Or sit by him and spell out each word and dictate the sentences? I let him be independent seeing as how it was the 1st one.

HOLY CRAP. He got like a 72 one one night's set. 2 points off for making a small "c" in the name Carter (cat), 2 points off for making his lower case "b" backwards (he still has trouble with bd)...2 points off for a run on sentence, that made sense....but she cut it into 2 sentences. He enjoys writing and putting detail into his sentences. Who am I to squelch that? So then I got thinking... how much background has he really HAD on grammar...and sentence structure. ??? I have NO CLUE.

I happened to be emailing with last year's teacher and mentioned it. She said that with RF that was never a focus in 3rd (the writing and corrections). Is that true? It is just VERY VERY picky. I wish I saved the spelling word list. It had 1-10 on one side (1-8?) and 11-20 (9-18?) on the other. There were un numbered bonus words at the bottom of the paper...kind of not in the same rows. For night #1's assignment he did the first "row" as she said (or column WTFC)...and did not include the 2 bonus words below that were kind of but not really part of that row. He lost 20 points for that. He DID...HOWEVER do the words the following night because he thought he had to do them but you couldn't really tell where they belonged.

Now that I write all that I am worked up and pissed off. I was going to let it ALL SLIDE because it was the 1st homework and I had NO CLUE what the expectations were. But now I am mad about that one.

He also writes a letter home to us each week (journal like) and we write back. OF course that is full of weird spelling and grammar and capital and punctuation crap that is not touched. Just mixed messages. Not really sure. I feel a LOOONG email coming on. There was also a spoken assignment to bring in a frog, fish, worm or lizard to school last week. I never saw it in WRITING so I told him it was probably a kind of if you want to type thing. He INSISTED and was excited about it so Dave helped him catch a frog to bring in Thursday in his little screen house carry along thing. Doesn't he get into trouble for bringing it on the bus (we put the cage in a paper Bath Body Works bag). Then after wards I thought yeah...I should have thought about that! DUH! But I just want her to know that I am an INVOLVED parent and NOTHING slips by. He is NINE and still a KID and I want (NEED) the expectations UP FRONT so that I can know what to have him do.

So this leaves me in the role of the CHEATING PARENT. I will have him do the work and then I will play the role of the EDITOR. I will make the corrections and then point them out to him. How do I know how to do this? Oh yes, wait...I remember, MY MOTHER USED TO DO IT FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why? Because she hated homework back in the 1970s too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hell, maybe I will freaking DO the homework FOR him.

So yes, I will be composing a letter to his teacher about all of this, omitting my admission that I will now be doing his corrections.

On top of nightly homework, of course are the 15 minutes of reading time required each night. Do teachers realize that today's "NIGHTS" are only 3 hours long? That is IF you do not participate in a SPORT? Gone are days when kids got out of school at 3pm and arrived home at 3:10 to a plate of warm toll house cookies. Kids get off a bus pushing 5pm, then there is some down time, TV, talking about the day...then dinner, a bath if necessary.

Ok, I need to stop analyzing and writing. I am getting angrier by the minute.
Signed (at the request of our new contributor),
~Sue

Happiness of the Day : New John Mayer album out - WooHoo!

Gripe of the Day : Elementary School Homework

Figured I would start with a brief positive item, to retain my Zen, but really, this homework thing in elementary schools pisses me off. I mean, I am a teacher, and homework has its place and all, but I never really realized how much I hated it until I became a parent. It wasn't such a biggie in K and 1st grades, as my son wasn't as involved in other activities, but now, it has just gotten crazy. I mean, tonight, my husband and I both had meetings after school, so the kids didn't get picked up until 4:30. Which, realistically, for most families is EARLY. Then we had to have dinner by 5:30 so that my son and husband could head out to soccer by 6:15. Yikes! So here I was at the kitchen sink, cleaning up, and thinking about this whole phenomenon. I mean, I remember VERY LITTLE homework from elementary school. Projects every now and again sure, but when did honest to goodness homework become status quo? At our school, and I know this is where my son's young, non tenured teacher is coming from, it is EXPECTED that I will have a homework policy in my classroom and it is EXPECTED that I give homework 3 nights a week, minimum. Being the little rebel that I am, I find creative ways around that, but still. My son has had homework each night, and it is easy and all, but I still find it an annoyance. It takes away from our time with our family, and dictates, yet again, how we will spend our time. It is a "little black cloud" of school still hanging over our heads, when we really want to just come home and do something DIFFERENT. My kids come home and they do play outside first, then they want to zone out with some TV, God forbid, perhaps play a few video games, talk with me and my husband, help cook dinner, or just PLAY at whatever thing or toy or game they missed while away at school all day. They just want to BE. We allow children so little of that type of free, unstructured time anymore, and I am seeing this homework as just another thing on the laundry list of "grow up faster" societal pulls.

I also got to thinking, homework in a Jr. High or Highschool MIGHT get done in a studyhall. Also, don't those kids get out of school and HOUR before the elementary kid thus making for more TIME to do homework? AND, lo and behold, don't they go to bed later? Here I am, cramming more school into the 4 hours my kid has between sitter pickup and bed! IT'S INSANE!

Well, I didn't do much to retain my Zen here did I? Better luck next time, but hey, at least I got my gripe off my chest...this blog IS good for something...see Dad!

- Cheryl

Ahhhh, memories of wine and fireworks!
Let's see if I can figure out how to put this on our profile. Granted not the BEST photo of us, but it is "jovial", shall we say! Also, this gives us TWO photos on here that could QUICKLY be sent to the school in the event of our untimely joint death, and seamlessly uploaded to the school website in leu of any days off and such...HA!

- Cheryl

Yep - you can tell that the school year has begun as NEITHER of us has had a spare moment to breathe, let alone blog! And you know, another sad thing, our last several blogs delt with WORK and END OF SUMMER! Now, granted, I suppose this is a mental outlet, a place to vent, a place to get out of your mind what is on your mind, but come on! Can't we write about something OTHER than work now? After a frantic Monday getting a classroom put together, a boring Tuesday of staff development, and a Wednesday through Friday of beginning the arduous task of "retraining" a new set of younguns, I need SOMETHING ELSE!

So, how about this topic...Fall and food.

I am obsessed, as my profile divulges, with food, FoodTV, cooking etc. Actually, I suppose it is less an obsession and more a surrender to food. I know that in my current mom status I am required, by motherhood law, to plan for and prepare 3 meals a day 7 days a week for my two little ones and I suppose for my husband as well, so the way I look at it, I may as well enjoy it. My spouse is a good cook, and takes up the chef's hat regularly, but the overall responsibillity for family feedings falls to me. Certainly, I am not whipping up gourmet meals nightly. I work full time for goodness sake! I am a lover of takeout pizza, which is a good thing, as that is pretty much the only fast food one can get in the little rural haven I happen to reside in. Also, frighteningly, my daughter's new found love of corn dogs of all things has become a part of our occational dining repertoire, but I digress. Fall is really the season I LOVE for food. No kidding, really? Well how contrived of you, the season of the harvest? What an original concept! But really, what is better than the first day you feel that fall nip in the air? It comes as a surprise, and don't you just LOVE a surprise? It gets the senses tingling, and sets the mind in a new direction. This time of year, this time of new beginnings (oh no, ALMOST slipping into school talk here, I had better watch how I navigate!) I always get a metaphysical boost. When that comes, along with it I get a craving for soup. Soup - goodness in a bowl. Connections with health and wellness, as well as a complete meal in one pot. Complexity and simplicity, inherent to one recipe. Soup is the real deal.

There is a wonderful children's book by Sharon Creech, adolescent author extraordinaire, called Granny Torelli Makes Soup. It is all about a girl and a boy who are best friends, and the girl's Italian grandmother who teaches them life lessons as she makes her "zuppa." And what myriad of life lessons do come from soup! Ingredients go together sometimes with the randomness of immediate availability, sometimes with specificity of care and thought. Things simmer, combine and recombine, finally, usually successfully, creating something new altogether. Edible fortitude, new and different, comes from things ordinary. Things allowed to simmer emerge anew.

Now I am REALLY disturbed. I have brought school in the form of a children's book into my anti school post! What is wrong with me? Can I not compartmentalize? Can I not pull away and put away?

Maybe though, this is the key, the common thread. Why the love of fall? The harvest, the new beginnings of all sorts, brings back all of my "ingredients." School, Family, Work, Friends, Self, Responsibilites, Activities. These all come back to the forefront and go into this crazy soup called my Life. Ingredients need to be added now and then. Seasonings add spice, sometimes too much, sometimes too little. Creative modifictions need to be made, and can be made through the joy and freedom that is cooking and that is life. My zuppa needs the attention of an occational stirring. My soup needs to simmer, be tasted, allowed time and granted patience. It is at times altered, and changed, and in the end comes a new combination. Forever different, somehow the same, often hard to say how or when, and often too intricate to recreate. Basic and complex all at once. Fresh, and alive. Fall is new beginnings of a different sort, fall is a new start to life.

-Cheryl (as a dear friend suggested we sign our posts:)